Let's Do This...Let's Talk Jane Austen

Jane Austen is timeless because her stories are about women struggling with friendships, family, and of course, men. Every year somewhere some woman writes an article on Jane Austen for some lady mag like Vanity Fair or Cosmo and every year it's true: Jane Austen understands us. She tells it like it is. No we're not all still obsessed with marriage and we live in a different world in terms of law and career and we don't need men to SURVIVE. But most of us still like to dream about romance...to dream about someone who will be a gentleman. Also she simply writes about real people that we all know. The fact that these novels were written two hundred years ago is so beautiful to me. So much has changed in terms of technology and the way we court each other and live our lives. However, the human being is much the same, and the way we feel and interact person-to-person remains unaltered.

Sometimes I nerd out because some of these stories feel like looking in a mirror. Do you ever feel like Elizabeth Bennet and you're surrounded by Mr. Collinses? I do. Or you're Emma and he is Definitely an Elton and she is Definitely a Mrs. Elton? Me too. Or you are crying over some son of %^& bastard and you realize you really are being ridiculous....you're being a Marianne Dashwood, and you know deep down you'll get over this. Even though that Willoughby was terribly entertaining for a while. Yes, yes, yes.

I'm probably the billionth lady to ever think and say all this. It's nothing new, but sometimes you have to celebrate something, even when it's old.

Things that make me happy

The space heater my mother got me.

A tv with a vcr and dvd player in my bedroom (that's right I still own videos....Muppet Christmas Carol, here I come).

Xtabay Vintage (I finally went inside and nearly fainted, it is SO amazing).

Tea on a tea tray with milk and honey, tea cup and saucer.

Having problems like: "Where do I want to sew on this fringe?" and "Do I need more sequins?"

Living in a place where I can walk outside and see lots of people milling about, but not TOO many. Not New York amounts of people.

Christmas....I must start writing those cards!

Carly Simon (EVEN though I've had Nobody Does it Better stuck in my head for three days)

My pale pink walls

There's nothing wrong with being a single young woman, but I'm thinking maybe I shall adopt an imaginary pet so that I can sign the Christmas cards this way. I imagine that said pet would also make me very happy. My roommate's cat and I are getting to be friends, but you know, this imaginary dog thing has been on my mind for a While.

A so-so poem

Love Song for an Imaginary Pet

I don’t have a dog.

the rain falls and I wish a tail would beat near a fireplace.

he would set his chin on my knee while I knit (I should take up knitting with this fine beast at my side)

his name, Horatio, Ralph, Douglas Fairbanks, scrawled mechanically, tightly on his collar, he jingles when I call and I love the sound of his little paws, dirtying up the rug.

he smells but he is my friend and he thinks me odd when I cry.

he loves the fire, the food that I carry out of the stove, he barks when I come home

only to say he missed me.

he never likes me to leave.

he loves me.

he is devoted.

he may chew and tear and shred and hurt, but only out of adventurous spirit, never malice or contempt.

he knows I love him when I set him down the little bit of steak I can not eat.

he knows I would never harm him.

he rests his chin on my lap while I knit (now that I knit, with my Spike, my Ralph, my Douglas Fairbanks).

I don’t have a dog.

Sometimes when a lady is unemployed.....

She comes up with raps about characters in tv shows....in this case, Game of Thrones.

Viserys Targaryen RAP

My name's Viserys Targaryen-Stop STOP your stare-y-in'

The ladies come before me-it's my children they'll be carryin'

I do what I want and I do what I please, I'll be the king of seven kingdoms, you'll be on your knees!

I came to party, didn't come to shed blood, but if you mess with my ego, b^&%, I'll f&*( you up!

Gave my sis to a homie likes horses and braids, I don't call her my queen, I just call it a trade.

Gonna raise an army, gonna run this town, I got the goldilocks that go great with that crown!

Jump up if you hear me, jump up if you're down, otherwise start runnin', I'll put you in the ground!

Viserys Targaryen, the tales they tell are harrowin'

Sculls I'll be pummelin', ladies fall a stumblin'

Viseys! Targaryen! This sh&* ain't vegetarian! You wanna see a monster? I ain't no shrimp, I'm a lobster! -----A LOBSTER!

Sidenote: this rap is sort of stereotypically misogynistic but it works because this character is a total bad guy/creepy women-hater. So it fits. Get it?

Oh Dear.

The phone rings not! I have no job!*

I know I trained to be an actress, and I think I could give a pretty jazzy performance as a nightclub singer in the 1950s, but I have reached a frightful realization: The Year is 2011.

I'm screwed, as they say.

I have skills but nobody wants the skills I have. I can't do stand-up as far as I'm aware...maybe if I practiced, but who wants to practice? I haven't taken a dance class in a couple years. I've never worked in a clothing store or a vintage shop or lingerie shop, though Lord knows I adore them. I don't know how to make a fancy coffee. I've never waited on people, unless you count Cold Stone and Jamba Juice, but no one seems to count those. I've worked answering phones and keeping stock and mailing things, but I was fired from that job so I can't put that on a resume.

I give up. Not totally of course. I'll keep applying and praying. But I feel I look rather PATHETIC on paper. A degree. In theatre. Even I don't think it's very impressive (no offense to those lovely professors). Perhaps if I'd gone to cooking school and cosmetology school and taken dance classes and art classes, I'd be wishing I'd gone to a university. Perhaps the grass is always always greener. Sigh.

To Do

1) GET HEADSHOTS

2) Start Writing That Novel/Play/Screenplay/How do I write a screenplay?

3) Print out a bunch of resumes.

4) Go vintage window-shopping with resumes in hand (wink).

5) Put together an acting resume.

6) Take up Sewing Again. And stick to it.

7) Sell things online!!!!!

*Picture borrowed from this lovely blog I just fell upon.

Dream Day

Sleep in, get an amazing breakfast at a cafe, then get a manicure and a pedicure and a facial. Go home, take a long hot bath in a clean tub in a nice house that doesn't smell weird because of the dirty, post-flooding carpet. Do make up, hair, put on comfy, adorable outfit. Lingerie and shoe shopping with friends (we suddenly all have money to do so). Get a ton of cheap candles at Ikea, have a kids meal there. Go antiquing. Finally go see The King's Speech. Go out for drinks with friends. Have fun. Relax. Go home to a clean house and kitchen. Go to bed, wake up and make a cheesecake for the first time and start planning a dinner party.

My happy place involves spending way too much money, doesn't it? Damn.

math love poetry

I've been studying MATH for over three hours. If I don't pass the TWO math tests I have tomorrow, I will sue Mathematics. Don't ask how but I will do it. I'm a little cuckoo because I only got five-ish hours of sleep the previous night. I'm strangely awake. I finally stopped nervously watching The Golden Girls and eating romaine lettuce and started studying. Starting is the hardest part.

But I've been studying so long now that my head is all full of numbers and formulas and all that mumbo jumbo and then I get dazed and start singing songs to myself...involving horrible math poetry that I am going to submit you to (forgive me, please....).

walking down this number line, positives and negatives, sometimes undefined!

trying to get back to you, if two minuses make a positive then why are you still blue?

I thought we added up to two.

ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa.....somebody slap me. haha...oh man.

This should probably be deleted. I feel bad for whoever's stopping by. Oh well....I'm crazy/cheesy/a dork. And now you know.

Here's a ridiculous video for your trouble:

In which we try to inspire ourselves via Audrey Hepburn

I've been doing a lot of this lately...

I feel a little bad for not writing in this at ALL. I suppose few people read it and my silly little thoughts aren't that important to the internet at large, but I like keeping this blog kind of the way I like to keep diaries. The last year has seen me really move away from both of those hobbies and I'm not exactly sure why. I've been busy? Yes but usually I always found time in the past to come back and write or post ideas, etc. Maybe plays and school have sucked all my inspirational energy? Shrug. Anyway, on the note of school (graduation ceremony is in EXACTLY two months!!!!!!!!!!!^$^#%($#&@) I think I shall post some self-indulgent goals in order to pass all my classes, keep calm, cool, collected, and send good vibes out and all that jazz.

RULE 1

I will abstain from marathoning television series when I should be doing homework, etc.

-------I recently finished the second season of Doctor Who and I could start season three but the fear is that instead of letting it just be background, I'll end up watching it, and then suddenly days have passed and I keep clicking "play next episode."

RULE 2

I will do my math homework on campus after classes EVERY DAY.

RULE 3

I will NEVER skip class.....unless I am maybe out of town (whoops).

RULE 4

I will study for any and ALL tests beginning at MINIMUM two days in advance.

RULE 5

I will keep my room tidy so I may feel at one with the universe.

RULE 6

Yoga at least twice a week.

RULE 7

Imagine the best possible future...ie. great affordable apartment, job and maybe even a cat and a chaise longue-why not? It's my imagination. You never know what'll happen.

So I've got a lot of this to do...

Funny....I was just imagining my dream apartment and (I'm such a nostalgia-nerd) I was thinking about vintage refrigerators and how cute they are, and ice boxes, and then about how nowadays most people have huge fridges and it's normal. You really don't NEED that huge of a fridge unless you hunt game or buy everything at Costco.... la la la I'll shut up now.

But maybe after I graduate and become a real-life grown up,

I'll get myself a bathtub sofa!!!

Dream apartment idea...lifted from here

Just because...

I've been showing this video to EVERYONE. I like funny cat videos, so sue me.

OhMyGoodness Where Have I BEEN?

Okay, fine, well I will tell you (whoever you are). I have been enjoying myself. Occasionally I have been swooning and sighing and mean red-ing, but fortunately, my time has mainly been filled with ENJOYMENT. No, I haven't gotten to everything on my summer to-do list but it was mainly a fantasy list to pick and choose from. A list of things I have been up to:

Marathon viewing TRUE BLOOD, my new television love affair. I am always reluctant to start new shows, but this one has me completely hooked. I am tempted to even go so far as to say my love for it exceeds my love for Weeds ( something I hadn't imagined possible). In less than a few weeks, I have watched the first two seasons and the first two episodes of season three. Lord.

Taking ridiculous pictures in my floppy 70s hat.

BAKING PIES. And making people eat them.

Dancing and frolicking to dance music and 80s music like Prince, Queen, Whitney Houston... while wearing leg warmers.

Listening to records! Buying new ones for pennies!

And of course playing my ukulele, having fun with friends and rehearsing.

a sloppy springtime poem

...for whoever wants to read it. I may delete all this later....

I am all worried over the messiness of studiousness/non-studiousness, my lack of focus. I wish I could discipline myself but all I want is to lie around and watch PBS. There was a great American Experience episode on American whaling and Moby Dick, etc. Really eerie, interesting stuff. here is a sloppy poem. Tomorrow morning I take a test and go to classes and rehearsal and hope to God I can get the grades and get out of here. I think when I am in the same place too long I go crazy. Here. Back home. Anywhere. I need travel. I need stretching. Maybe all the moving around and driving across country as a kid impacted me more than you'd think. blah blah blah here's a bad poem for the void.

you must pardon me, please, if you please
if it pleases you to pardon me, you must
no

even if it doesn’t please you, I ask you to forgive me,
have mercy for a person who fumbles in the dark and falls down, shakily, wearily, with a headache, and a heart all pangy and beating like birdwings flapping flapping flapping on

do you ever stop and marvel at your heart? it doesn’t get to rest….all your life it beats and ticks like a clock, counting and measuring the breaths that come in and go out, the pain and the joy, the moments of silent wonder, of exasperated loneliness, of vapid despair, of holy loving lovely love, of happiness, of worry

poor old heart…..I don’t even thank you in the morning when I wake up. you kept me going all night long when I was off dreaming. you didn’t have to…something could’ve stopped you. you could’ve gotten tired, gotten bored and said to hell with this body, this soul….you didn’t. and you beat, you beat, you beat

unrelated sidenote: Jerry Maguire would only be an okay movie if it weren't for Cuba Gooding Jr. and Regina King. Just a thought.

Reasons Why Imaginary Relationships Rule

HAN SOLO will Never

-ignore my text messages and phone calls

-make me feel dumb

-tell me that I don't need to lose weight, but I could tone up

-impregnate me

-embarrass me

-make me regret my life choices

-make me feel unappreciated

-be a boring date

-be under-dressed

-be needy

-stop being sexy

Note: I'm not saying "real" men have subjected me to all of the above...I'm just pointing this stuff out. WOW I am a night owl these days....

23 favorite female film stars

Because the list of 21 male film stars was fun, but I needed two more slots for women (they're worth it). Honorary mention goes to Maggie Gyllenhaal, Zooey Deschanel, Helen Mirren and a bunch of others I'll think of later.

Whoopi Goldberg

Carole Lombard

Ingrid Bergman

Jean Arthur

Mae West

Grace Kelly

Barbra Streisand

Marion Cotillard

Diane Keaton

Mary Louise Parker

Dianne Wiest

Penelope Cruz

Kristin Scott Thomas

Kate Winslet

Kelly MacDonald

Emma Thompson, Maggie Smith

Cate Blanchett

Audrey Hepburn

Myrna Loy

Barbara Stanwyck

Katharine Hepburn

Meryl Streep

ennui

It's been ages since I played with photo booth. Oh, did I mention I dyed my hair? I dyed my hair. Not a crazy crazy color, but I like it.

Old Hollywood's Obsession with LIVERWURST

Yeah. I'm talking about this. I'm asking the hard questions. I am a pioneer. Well...probably not, but anyway....anybody else ever notice that there seems to have been a huge cultural keenness toward liverwurst in the past, at least according to old movies? It's right there with ham, roast beef and chicken and furthermore, I dare to suggest that it far surpasses tuna, turkey, bologna and salami in terms of prevalence and recognition in old films.

Let's take a JOURNEY THROUGH TIME!!!

Item A:
Spellbound (1945), directed by Alfred Hitchcock, starring Gregory Peck and Ingrid Bergman. The crucial moment comes from about 3:00 till 3:47.


Item B:
White Christmas (1954) directed by Michael Curtiz, starring Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, Vera Ellen and Danny Kaye. Crucial moment near the beginning.


Item C:
Charade (1963) directed by Stanley Donen and starring Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant. Crucial moment within the first minute.

Liverwurst, liverwurst, liverwurst. Sandwiches. Sandwiches. Sandwiches. Shrug.

Take the A' Train*

I didn't take the A train, but I did take a train home from school. It's nice to be home, I just PRAY we don't get iced in or snowed in this year. If we do, I will cry and that is no joke.

*Duke Ellington

The Best Song from one of the Worst Babs Films Ever Made.

On a Clear Day You Can See Forever (1970), directed by Vincente Minelli and written by Alan Jay Lerner, is a ridiculous musical. It's a Barbra parade, and though it's all sort of fun, it's not made for one sitting. It's like a slice of fudge chocolate cake, but the kind that is so fudgy, you just can't handle more than three bites. I should also add that any Barbra movie has entertainment value...because, after all, it's Barbra.

Hilarious.

Click the photo. The first sign on the left reads "Most Beautiful Lady," and the next sign says "Most Beautiful Suit." Check out the facial expressions. Glorious.

FRIDAY

I have been so very very busy avec school, you wouldn't believe it. We're talking twelve-thirteen hour days here, folks. But now I'm home and I made myself pasta and aside from homework and rehearsing this weekend, I can take a break and collect myself and breathe a little more deeply (through my mouth since my sinuses are HORRID currently). But this rambling and whining must cease!!! I don't have many thoughts unrelated to my cold, and all the things I've got to do, but.......I had a good Halloween. Here are some silly pictures I took of myself as Little Red Riding Hood. Happy November!!!