Thursday, March 3, 2011

My least favorite word in any language: math.

If I fail math, and don't get a degree, so what, right? It'll be this humorous anecdote on my resume. I'm sure if I wasn't afraid of math, or was really super good at it, and had been told I could do it in the seventh grade as opposed to being called "slow", I'd be a very boring person. It's the trials that make us fun and interesting, right? It's the math teachers who make us hate ourselves that make us creative and damaged and funny and useful to the world, right???? RIGHT?

Everyone says "you'll pass" but I've failed half the tests. I've failed three math classes in my life. One in high school and two in college. I may pass....I may fail. I've never cried so much over school in my entire life (and we're counting the times as a kid that I panicked every year before school started, afraid of the change:often a new school, afraid that I wouldn't make friends). Experiences like this honestly make me wish I could be a teacher because I promise myself that I would be understanding. Teachers want and try to help. My teachers even now, want and try to help. However, if I were a teacher I would see my students as individuals and understand that some of them probably shouldn't have even signed up for my class.

I'm just so terrified. If I graduate with the stupid cap and gown and then find out I failed-ONE class. ONE math class....I cannot begin to express how utterly devastated and heart-rippingly agonized I will be.

Pray for me, if you care even a tiny bit, or even if you don't care at all. Pray to whatever God or Oprah you believe in, I don't care who you are or what you believe.

Wishing you well and wishing I could share someone else's superior mind,
Crazy-Hysterical Margaux


Desiree said...

Oh goodness! It sounds like you need a glass of wine and a bath to clear your mind before you go back to studying. You can do it, you really can. I've never failed a class, but getting a C in high school physics felt a lot like failing. Best of luck!

Margaux said...

Aww thank you. Yeah I just need to study like a demon. And pray a lot.