Funny feelings, lots of dreams.

I am a mixed person. I love old fashioned things (almost All old fashioned things), and though I myself am "an old fashioned girl" in Some of the Louisa May Alcott ways, I am Certainly not old fashioned in All ways. Lately I've been feeling a bit mixed up in another way. Romance and love and everything in between is such a horrid mess, most of the time. I hardly know what I'm doing when I do it, and looking back on my actions or feelings proves that time doesn't shine a lot of light on things, either. Also, lately I've been feeling my self esteem dive. Maybe I always have low self esteem and I simply fail to notice it until I'm placed somewhere new where I have to make a name for myself and prove that I'm worth anything at all. Who knows. All I know, and all I've ever known, are my fantasies. In fantasy I am safe from the realization that I might not have whatever it takes to be whatever I want to be and do whatever I want to be. I hate feeling scared all the time and feeling like all I want to do is disappear. Why am I so weird? I think I'm just in an adjustment period, a self-doubt period. I think I try to look nice every day because it's like finding myself, and forcing a tiny bit out into the open. If I can live behind this weird, pretty picture, maybe the rest of me will feel comfortable and come out to play.

So often, I feel that my kindergarten self and I are nearly the exact same. I just pray I lose the shy girl thing soon. I am tired of being afraid and worrying that secretly, I don't matter and I'll never make the kind of difference I hope to make.

God this is getting depressing. All I really set out to do was post pictures of pretty things.

Okay enough of my moping. Here goes.

The following are images of old movie stars whose screen personas sometimes depict the kind of woman I hope or wish or dream to be. Well, maybe Gilda is a bit of a sad story. Rita in "You were never lovelier." Yes. Kate in...oh, Kate in anything. Her characters were always tough and amazing. Grace in...hmm she wasn't in a ton of films. I guess I just want to be elegant and beautiful all the time the way she was. Claudette in anything. She was marvelous. Same goes for Marlene, I think.

Shoes I will not buy....

Because I can't afford to squander millions of dollars if I want to eventually pay off loans or catch a plane out of this country.

Films and history and fashion and all that....

I really love history. If I could have things my way, I would take ten history classes in place of all the math and science I need to take in order to graduate with a four year degree. I've always loved old films as well as period pieces (and old period pieces for that matter). Most of my favorite films are either old or take place in the past. When I was a little girl I wrote a lot of stories, or at least bits of stories and they almost Always took place in the 1930s or 20s or teens.

One of the things (I confess) that attracts me to history is the fashion and style. Not just what people wore, but the advertising, the Look and Feel of every little thing. The cars or the carriages. The houses. Everything was intricate. Everything took time and effort and patience. In my country, I constantly feel that wherever I look I am met with another shopping mall, another food chain, another business selling more of the same copy of the same thing, for cheap. It's too much excess, too little effort, too little uniqueness. I am Not saying I dislike shopping. Of Course not. But I have taken it upon myself to try my very hardest to stop buying "New" clothes...aside from things like underwear and tights. Maybe if I'm a millionaire in ten years, I'll buy new things again, but while I'm a poor student, I must be good!

It's been extremely easy to refrain from shopping the past few months as I have been Broke. However I have sold a lot of clothes and books and in exchange have purchased a couple vintage dresses. I do wish I could go shoe shopping, honestly. And it would be nice to find some more belts that fit well around my natural waistline. Oh well.

ANYWAY, movies that have influenced my style, or helped me to discover my personal taste and what-have-you.



My Favorite movie as a toddler. How can you not love this crazy story? And in technicolor it is...I don't know....fabulous. I think I always related most to the Scarecrow but I'd rather Look like Glinda.




Loved this movie as a kid. Wanted to be Uma Thurman's character. Haven't seen this in ages. Was she a mermaid? If you haven't seen "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" I highly recommend it.




Singin' in the Rain is a classic of course. I love the 1950s take on the 1920s. Superb. The numbers are so fun to watch. If you love fashion mixed with classic silliness the way I do, you'll love the scene, "Beautiful Girl."




Troop Beverly Hills, another childhood favorite. I always wanted to be a girl scout purely to wear the uniform. Oh and Shelley Long is so glamourous and funny in this movie. I sort of wanted to be her character in this movie (when I was five, anyway).




Audrey Audrey Audrey. Would look sophisticated in a burlap sack. But in My Fair Lady in these gorgeous costumes? Mmm. I wanted to be her as a kid, I want to be her now. But really I doubt any woman Wouldn't want to be her...at least whilst wearing black leggings and ballet flats.




I know Titanic has gotten a bad wrap. The story is a bit melodramatic in terms of the romance, etc. But let's face it, the actors did their jobs very nicely and THE COSTUMES and THE SETS Oh la la.




My favorite film since the age of eight. I still remember wearing my coat around my elbows during soccer practice, pretending it was a shawl like the women wore in Sense and Sensibility. The coach was always telling me to zip it up but I didn't want to.




A Little Princess. I wanted all the little girl's fancy Victorian clothes and things. Gorgeous. My grandma took me to see this on a rainy day.




The Great Gatsby. I had trouble finding good pictures but the look and feel of this movie is beautiful. Again, I find it really interesting to see one generation's take on another. The perspective is always subjective. In Singin' in the Rain, the late 20s meet the early 50s. In this film, the 20s meet the 70s.




Cabaret. Set in the 1930s, filmed in the 1970s. Glorious. Sometimes I wear black tights and a black bra around the house when no one's home and do kicks down the hallway (shhh don't tell).




Gosford Park. One of my favorite films Ever made. Not only is the film fantastic, so are the costumes and sets and location.




I nearly forgot! I also adored "The Secret of Roan Inish" as a little girl. I recently re-watched it and it is marvelous. It's set in post WWII Ireland and is part fantasy. Fantastic.

P.S. I should add that Audrey Hepburn and Katharine Hepburn movies are also huge favorites and influences. Favorites include Breakfast at Tiffany's, Sabrina, Woman of the Year, and The Philadelphia Story... Marvelous!

Playing

I really love playing with my hair. I am such a "girly" person. I think if I'd been born male, I would have been strikingly effeminate, by most perspectives.

Today I made an attempt at the hairstyle of Eva Green in the last Bond movie. Wasn't Really successful at copying the precise look, but I enjoy what came of it anyway.

Gorgeous little things...

Sitting here in my Patsy (of AbFab) costume and my red and white polka dotted apron. Made a banana cake. Haven't done a Ton of in-depth fashion week viewing however I thought I'd put up my favorite pictures. Mainly from Ralph Lauren. I am consistently drawn to the more classic looks....though I favored a lot of black and white ensembles, I do adore color more often than not. Photos are from style.com.